So… how long has it been? I’ve no idea. I could look at when the last post was published but honestly, I can’t be arsed.
Today I’m in one of those moods where literally everything annoys you. I’ve barely done any work today so I just took myself off for a walk up the hill. My luck blessed me again when it started snowing. Despite me leaving the house with clear blue skies. But hey ho.
Spotify is genuinely the only thing getting me through today. Last night all I wanted to do was get drunk, today all I want to do is curl up in the corner of a darkened room and die.
My alarm went off at 8am this morning and then I spent 3 hours just lying in bed. When I eventually got up around 11am I was so tired I could barely walk straight. A couple of minutes ago I went into the kitchen to get a glass of water and I sat back down in the chair of my office and I couldn’t remember walking down the stairs or running the tap.
Now I’m back staring at my computer screen and everything is going wrong. A new website (I’m a website developer by trade) isn’t working properly and I don’t know what the problem is, a potential client is fannying around with contracts and won’t sign unless I change parts of it, a current client is late paying for their website, and whilst this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, my friends are currently using me as a buffer for finding out who they should date. I’m kinda feeling like the gay best friend with these two female friends talking about their boyfriends and future boyfriends and one of them is showing me Facebook profiles for the guys she likes and wants me to tell her what I think of them.
Like I say, it’s not always a bad thing. I like talking to them and if it helps then great.
Back to death however. I have no idea what I’m doing today. I’m sitting at the computer trying to work but just can’t do anything worthwhile. I have spotify on in the background and it’s playing literally everything from Bon Jovi to Eminem and even the good songs that I really like aren’t cheering me up. I often listen to really sad songs in the hope that it’ll get it out my system and feel happier but occasionally one of them will crop up on my playlist and it won’t make a difference.
This has been a long time coming. It’s been incredibly hard for me to keep this to myself and it hurts to talk about but I feel now is the right time and here is the best place to share, with people who I hope will understand and support me.
Okay here goes…
Who are these people who leave the tiniest amount of milk in the carton in the fridge and why do we let them continue living? This morning I came down to have my daily cereal intake, went to pour the milk into said cereal and barely a drop came out of the carton. Why the hell did they put the carton back in the fridge! Why didn’t you just drink it! It’s happened several times in the last few months and I swear to god it grates more each time.
I’m sorry. It feels good to get that off my chest and I hope you can support me through this difficult time.