Bitten the bullet

Well I finally did it. I rang my doctor yesterday and asked him what the options are for medication. Naturally I was terrified calling and asking for an emergency appointment but I was looking online and apparently depression is one of the things you’re allowed to use emergency appointments for.

They said they’d get a doctor to ring back and he did about half an hour later. We went through a load of things and asked questions and said “okay, right” far too much. Apart from that he sounded like a lovely bloke. He said I would certainly qualify for medication and that based on the answers I’d given him and my history he’d write out a prescription there and then.

It means I’m now on anti-depressants which isn’t something I wanted to do. I wanted to try and do it with therapy. I started the dosage this morning and I’ve felt shit all day. Not mentally, just physically I feel really sick and dizzy and really really tired. I know it’s only the first day so part of it is probably just that I’m worrying about it all.

I will stick at it though. I’ve been given a months worth of drugs so I’ll go back and see the doctor in 3 weeks for a catch up and see if anything’s changed.

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Puts in all in perspective really

I’m lying in bed watching a documentary about the earthquake and tsunami in Japan 5 years ago and it’s being shown using amateur videos shot by people caught up in the events. It makes for pretty harrowing watching. 

I often hear people say they can remember where they were when Michael Jackson died or when something big happened and I never had that. But I remember exactly where I was when I heard about the earthquake. I was in London, on a school trip with the law department and we had just walked into the Houses of Parliament. There were a couple of televisions in the wall and all 40 students stopped and watched the pictures on the news. 

I can remember the exact pictures too. One was a video of a huge ship being pushed under a bridge. The other was a video of a big open floodplain, and seeing the water rush through this valley. 

I can remember how disturbed we all were at the time and the first thing we did in our room the following morning was wake up and put the TV on to find out what was happening. 

Now, watching the images again, it puts everything into perspective. We, myself included, take far too much for granted. We’re lucky that we don’t have these kind of events in the UK. Sure we have floods or high winds but nothing on this scale. We might have a few deaths during one severe storm with flooding but in Japan approximately 16,000 people died in 24 hours. Whole towns were wiped out and even the refuge building designated for providing shelter in such situations were torn apart. I just watched one bit now where a school gym was used as a shelter point and had been for 50 years. This time the water was too high and 70 people died in the building they were supposed to be safe in. 

I could go on for hours. I would like to think I’ve stopped taking things for granted but I will be reminding myself every day that actually, we have it pretty fucking good in this country. 

Lol. Turns out I’m “in a dangerous place”

Fucking no shit Sherlock. 

I wish I’d said that actually. That would’ve been an amazing comeback when the halfwit that gets paid ¬£80,000 a year to look through a few textbooks told me I clearly wasn’t in the best place. 

Yep, I went to see my GP again to ask about drugs. You know, the good ones. We chatted about how I was feeling and all that bullshit and he came back with “you’re clearly in a dangerous place. Do you have support?”

Dangerous place. Fucking dangerous place? I swear to god if he ever screws up in medicine he could become an amazing Mr Holmes. 

Oh and no I’m fine. I’ve done my crying. I’m grand. 

Am I an idiot?

Just to confirm, that is a rhetorical question. I don’t need confirmation thank you very much.

But anyway… for some weird reason I have had the sudden urge to write a research paper. Now, I didn’t go to University. Nor did I spend much time at school. I hated exams and writing and reading books and generally the whole “book-based learning” wound me up no end.

So the concept of me suddenly wanting to learn stuff and even write a paper on it surprises me massively. I think I have a few topics too:

  • Anxiety and Depression in teenagers at school
  • Anxiety and Depression in business owners (small businesses, CEOs, etc)
  • How does the human brain store and retrieve memories?
  • In what ways do video games affect children?
  • Is there too much pressure on young people to go to University?

I’d happily write about any of those but I’ve no idea where to start.

Has anyone written a paper about something completely new when it hasn’t been for university or college? How’d it go?