I’m punishing myself over guilt I shouldn’t be feeling. 

Does anyone else feel guilty for absolutely no reason? I’ve had many occasions where I’ve wanted to punish myself. Not self harming, my pain threshold is bloody useless so I can barely tolerate a paper cut, but daft things like staying up really late to make myself really really tired, or staring at a computer screen to give myself a headache. 

I get nights like this occasionally. Maybe a couple of nights a month I’ll sit down and think I need to make myself feel really bad and hurt myself but there’s never any reason to do it. Obviously I’ve done things I’ve regretted, some more serious than others, but there’s nothing so serious that it warrants forcing myself to stay awake for 24 hours to torture myself. 

The things I did were many years ago and I thought I had forgotten about them and moved on but what if I haven’t? What if they are why I want to hate myself?

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