“Life’s too short to be giving a toss what other people think”
Well, yes and no. I completely agree that life is far too short and you should live every minute to the full. However as someone who suffers from fairly severe anxiety whereby I can’t make a phone call without a half hour prep session, I can’t say not caring what other people think is easy.
I go through phases. Phase one is full of inspirational quotes circling my head telling me life is too short and to grab the bull by the watsits and get out and do stuff. Phase two is simply: “Don’t be so f*****g stupid. What if that person standing over there looking the other way and talking on their phone notices you trying to navigate down a simple curb and you miss it and trip slightly?”
Phase two means I can’t just go out and join a club and god knows I want to. I have friends who wake up one morning and decide to go into the city and have a nice meal and a few drinks. I saw a post on Facebook on NYE from a friend of a friend who said he’d woken up on Thursday morning and decided to go to Munich for New Years Eve celebrations. No planning. He just spent £50 and a couple of hours later he was wandering around a funny German city. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t do that without spending at least 42 minutes coming up with approximately 179 different variations on what could happen and what could go wrong. For instance… We went out for New Year and it was great fun. Something a bit different and I enjoyed it with the family. However, before leaving my brain spent a good 40 minutes making an uncountable number of scenarios. Here are but a few…
- What if I can’t get parked?
- What if I don’t have the right change for the car park?
- What if we get lost between the car park and the event?
- What if one of us gets separated from the group?
- What if my car keys get stolen whilst we’re out?
- Shit, what if the CAR gets stolen whilst we’re out?
And so on, and so on. There’s six scenarios. I came up with hundreds in less than an hour.
“That sounds tiring” I hear you cry…
Funnily enough it is! Anyone with anxiety and/or depression will probably back me up on this. No amount of sleep is enough to keep you awake for the entire day. I could sleep for 2 hours and when I wake up but I’ll be tired after 6/7 hours. I could also sleep for a good 10 hours (chance would be a fine thing!) and I would wake up and be good for around 4/5 hours.
Worrying about everything is tiring and if you know someone who is always tired even though they don’t seem to do anything, ask whether there’s something else going on!
I digress. Again. I’m good at that as you’ve probably noticed if you’ve read my other posts.
Life’s too short. It is. And for those of you blessed with the ability to go out and make something of it then you should. For those of us who struggle with simple tasks like making calls, walking into a shop/restaurant/cafe first, putting your hand up in a school/college/uni lesson, etc etc, whilst we’re still able to make the best of life it just takes slightly longer to achieve.
I enjoy hearing from other people going through the same things so if you connect with anything in this post and feel you can talk about it please do add a comment. If you’re not sure about writing publicly feel free to message me directly. I love a good natter!